10/14/2005 11:48:00 AM Edit This 1 Comment »

It's been a long fucking month so far. My computer died, finally, he's been on the brink of Resting in Pieces for months now after all the abuse I've put him through. He's in a better place now *sniffle* So, I'll be going on a bit of a forced hiatus until I get a new one. I'll check in every now and then though.

The play... well, I'm over my little bout of jealousy now. It was indeed a bit silly but not as uncommon as I intially thought. It turns out that the lead female's boyfriend who was also in the play didn't appreciate the stage direction either. He didn't even want her in my boyfriend's personal space. LOL. Apparently insecurity isn't just a female thing. They seemingly have pulled out of the play now so I was made the lead female (which I'm not too sure I want). But that problem is solved for now.

I've finally taken control of my life as it pertains to my weight issues. I've been exercizing like Richard Simmons on.... . well... Like Richard Simmons. Twice a day, almost every day. And it feels great. I'm actually trying to figure out why I couldn't do it before and why it felt so hard for me. Apparently I needed to get to a certain place in my life before I could stick to something. Ah well it's only two weeks in... I have yet to see if it really is concrete.

School is still the stinking pus-hole of assignments and midterms but I'm coping.

Until next time.....

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Green with envy and I'm neon

10/04/2005 07:24:00 AM Edit This 10 Comments »

I never thought that I had a jealous streak. I never had any idea of how possessive and potentially insecure I could be. It's actually quite scary how I get when I'm jealous.

I'm in a play; a low budget production that a friend of mine is doing for her theatre arts degree. I've helped her out before so I know ( or at least have an idea) of how she operates. My boyfriend, Mr. S, is in the play as well and is playing the lead male character. I am playing a less important character of a nosy, loquacious, bacchanalist neighbour (I'm really starting to worry about the casting and how I am being percieved because if this has anything to do with me personally I will definitely have to do some serious self-analsis). The female lead is played by someone I just met at last week's reading (she also has a significant other in the play).

Now, the play has alot of profanity and sexual overtone... it even involves a bit of touching and kissing in a bed onstage.. between the leads. So I guess you can understand my concern now. I would trust Mr. S with my life, especially after all of the things we have gone through. So I was surprised that I felt this way. Worried, panicky, insecure and well jealous. I really have no reason to, I know he wouldn't do anything plus I have the reassurance that the female lead's boyfriend will be there... so I can hope that she won't do anything but I don't know how deep their love goes.

What I am worried about, however, is the excessive amount of time they will be spending alone (well with the director) rehearsing. Because of the amount of scences that involve the two of them (usually arguing other times cuddling and *cringe* kissing), the director decided that she would call them in for private practices. THIS is what is irking me. I do NOT want to be the insecure girlfriend who pops up at rehearsals when she's not needed just to see what's going on. Though I am that insecure girlfriend (much to my dismay) I refuse to do it. Even during the readthrough I was cringing visibly and they were just reading. What the hell will happen when I actually see it. So for both my sanity and their physical well being, I shouldn't go.

Also, Mr. S and I are usually pretty busy so we don't get to see each other. A few weekday evenings for an hour or two and Saturdays ( which are now taken over by my classes and play rehearsal.) Mr.S is also in study mode now as he has a huge exam coming up, plus he works full time. So our time together will be cut significantly shorter when the director wants him on evenings for private rehearsals.

FUCK! I have no idea how to deal with this. Any suggestions?

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If you hate memes, look away

10/03/2005 11:16:00 AM Edit This 1 Comment »

x. Slept in your bed: Me and my stuffed frog
x. Saw you cry: Mr. S and he's so sweet about it.
x. Made you cry: Me.
x. You shared a drink with: Me mum.
x. You went to the movies with: Mr. S and C
x. You went to the mall with: Mr. S and C. The movie theatre is in the mall.
x. Yelled at you: My mum
x. Sent you an e-mail: Spammers. DIE!!!!

x. Said "I love you" and meant it?: Yes.
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: Yes. He's still mad at me.
x. Been to California: Nope.
x. Been to Hawaii: Nope.
x. Been to Mexico: Nope.
x. Been to China: Nope.
x. Been to Canada: Nope.
x. Danced naked: All the time.
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: I wish cause the last time I dreamt something crazy it involved Johnny Depp, whipped cream and lubricant.
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: Yes. I've always wanted to pee standing up.
x. Had an imaginary friend: Had?

x. Do you have a crush on someone: No. But I do want to CRUSH someone.
x. What book are you reading now: Introduction to Psychology. Damnable essay.
x. Worst feeling(s) in the world: Being depressed.
x. Future son's name: Nikolai.
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Yes.
x. What's under your bed:Drawers. No, really. Actual drawers.
x. Favorite sports to watch: Swimming, rugby, World Cup football (soccer).
x. Siblings: Mossiah, me little half-brother.
x. Location: In my room.
x. College plans: Finish.. quickly.
x. Piercing/tattoos: Nope only in me ears.
x. Boyfriend/girlfriend: Yes, Mr. S.

x. Who is your best friend(s): Tishie, Mr. S, C.
x. What are you most scared of: Failure.
x. What clothes do you sleep in: Tanktop and Boyshorts, or me birthday suit.
x. Where do you want to get married: Not sure.
x. Who do you really hate: The cocksucker that took my phone
x. Do you drive: Nope.
x. Do you have a job: Nope.
x. Do you like being around people: Sometimes.
x. Are you for world peace: Yes I am and I'm also against world hunger. *beauty queen wave*

x. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: Yes.
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: Yes
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Nope.
x. Want someone you don't have right now: nope.
x. Are you lonely right now: Nope.
x. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: Anna Nalick- Breathe (2 am).
x. Do you want to get married: Eventually.

x. Room in house: My bedroom.
x. Type(s) of music: Not really sure.
x. Band(s): Linkin Park, System of a Down, Slipknot, Static X, Maroon 5, Incert Coin, Tripped and Falling..
x. Color: Blue, Black, Red.
x. Month: June and December.
x. Stone: Sapphires.

x. Cried: Yup.
x. Bought something: Nope. Surprised myself actually
x. Gotten sick: Nope.
x. Sang: Yes, Badly.
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: Yes, and I did..
x. Met someone new: yes.
x. Missed someone: Yep.
x. Hugged someone: Yes.
x. Kissed someone: Yes..

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