When birds attack

9/08/2005 10:23:00 PM Edit This 4 Comments »


I hate birds. Don't be decieved by their looks and the gentle way they are portrayed on television. That is nothing but false, malinformed propoganda. Birds are evil. They are noisy, agressive, annoying and they shit on you. I've been attacked and shat upon so many times it's dizzying. After being chased by a turkey at 5 years old, attacked by pigeons as a teenager and nearly impaled by vicious blackbirds, I really fucking hate 'em.

I got planted just today while talking to some of my friends in the most public place in Trinidad on the busiest time of day. Those winged bastards have no mercy. In Italy, that is supposed to be a good omen. To me, wiping seedy, sticky bird shit out of your newly washed hair is ... well... shitty. And the bastard, not the birds, just laughed at me. I saw red to say the least.

I am also in an ongoing battle with some brown doves that keep trying to take up residence in my house. Every few days they would fly into our large, usually open windows, fly around and shit on everything. Not stuff you can clean easily either. The really gross white and green piles of steaming bird crap. Everywhere. When you try to shoo them away they either fly straight at your face like the psychotic ones in "Birds" or face plant into the windows much like that Windex Commercial. They never seem to be able to tell which windows are open. Bloody idiots. The phrase birdbrain is definitely not a stereotype.

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4 comments:

Mona said...

I had a colleage who hated birds and was deathly afraid of them. When she was little she went on one of those safaris (in the states not africa) and a bird got inside the car and paniced. They couldn't get the bird out and ever since, she's been afraid even of a robin.

Stunner said...

LOL! You really hate birds!

I've been shat upon once. I was all dressed up when a pigeoon deceided to take a dump on me. Fortunately I was heading home.

Shotta M said...

I don't share the same fear of birds that you do but yeah they can do wicked things. They totally $hit on people for sport. I was once driving on the highway and a bird nose dived almost hitting my windscrean. It then circled and guess what it did? It shat on my car wind screan...blah.

Syed Siddique Sharaf said...

thats not fair .... its pretty surprising to know that u have been attacked by birds
When i lived in Diphu, a small hilly place, they were very source of enjoyment in morning ... that's when i get up early and simply adore watching them :)