Interdependent Woman

9/20/2005 08:54:00 PM Edit This 2 Comments »


I'm a college student living at home, leeching off my parents but I like to do things on my own. I like paying my on way, buying stuff for myself with my own money, paying my own bills. I am a living oxymoron.

I've been with my boyfriend, Mr. S, for a year and a half. We have been through so much together and I love him to death. But only recently (as in the last six months) really allowed or even asked him to pay my way. I was all for going Dutch or even paying for him on occasion, having a man pay for me was so taboo in my books. Even if he insisted, I'd insist that I pay for stuff the next time just to even the score. It was a bit of an obsession. This was me fooling myself into thinking I was independent, when back home, I sucked my parents dry.

I've become so comfortable with him, and frankly he should be happy about this, that I'd ask him to get me stuff on his way to come see me, like food or a DVD etc. Ordinarily, I'd starve before I did that. But now, I'm starting to think I may be overdoing it. To the point that I am feeling guilty about it.

All of this I only just realized today.

I have a problem with taking advantage of people. I am really very introspective and a firm believer in "Do unto others". I spoil my friends and close family. As in I'd buy them stuff for no reason, or pay for them to go see a movie and then buy them dinner. I enjoy doing this for those who deserve it. This doesn't seem to be much but please remember that I am working on a college student's allowance here. I do not get paid, I get an allowance. $40 TT a day (that is equivalent to a little more that $5 US) a little more if I beg. So really, this is me treating people extravagantly, on a very low budget. Gimme a break already. I come from a middle class family. My mum owns a little clothing store and my father, whose income I am no longer privy too, is a owns a small taxi service. Nothing special, nothing out of the norm. And I do understand the concept of working hard for what I get.

Of late I have noticed some, for lack of a better word, very large faults in some of the friends I keep. They have gotten so used to people, rather me, paying their way on occasion that they, suddenly and conveniently, run out of funds when I am around. And I, pushover that I am, always open my wallet and sacrifice myself for their sake. These Nosferatu frenemies bask in the luxury of my not-so-fat wallet, smile and laugh, then disappear when a problem arises. Unconcerned and pretensive. How very interesting. Me thinks it's time to pull off some parasites.

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2 comments:

Abeni said...

Welcome to the club where friends suddenly becoming parasitic.I still struggling to weed out some of mine

Tish said...

Bring on the insecticide!!