Battle of the Bulge and the Bi-sexuals.

9/26/2005 05:33:00 PM Edit This 3 Comments »

BC by Johnny Hart

My "chub" and I have a love/ hate relationship. It loves to hate me. I can't tell you how many times I've tried the diet thing (quite unsuccessfully I might add) and it's even harder because I've been slightly overweight for most of my life, since I was 7... What I wouldn't do to turn back time and learn some self control. I'm going to try again. Let's see how long it lasts this time.

In other news, I went to a club on Saturday night. Now, I'm am not a club person, I am pretty much a contented homebody. Give me a DVD, some good company and some Papa John's and I'm good as gravy. But, Mr. S wanted to go, so I obliged. My favorite cousin, who's as close as a sister to me came as well.

Upon entering the club's small, dark, less than flashy interior we were greeted by a crowded bar and an empty dancefloor. Not a good sign. The first think my cuz goes for is a beer. I'm not much of a drinker but I had one too (the only one for the night because I know I can't handle my alcho.) So all three of us go to talk on the side. My cousin has this thing of using me as a block when guys come to bother her (she acts as though I'm her girlfriend.) She's a cute chick so the men in the area start checking her out and as a reflex she grabs on to me. Mind you I'm with my boyfriend as well so frankly he looks like the luckiest man in the club with two "bi" women on his arm. 20 minutes pass, and my cousin downs another beer.

Then I start to notice this girl who looks about 19 dressed like a guy checking my cousin out. To me, this is amusing so I laugh and mention to "C" that she has an admirer. She laughs, blushes and grips me even tighter. Our side of the club was pretty damn boring so we move to the next side where some guys were breakdancing. The D.J. finally starts playing some decent tunes so we start dancing, all 3 of us. Mind you, Trinidadians don't really dance in the generic sense. We "wine". It would look like dry humping to a foreigner to put it simply. So there we were, 2 girls and one guy dry humping on an almost empty dancefloor with all eyes on us. We couldn't be bothered cause we're having fun.

Soon we're sweaty and suddenly aware of the stares, so we take a breather and my cousin goes to the bathroom and I chill in the corner with my boyfriend. As soon as my cousin disappears, I notice the girl dressed like a guy and two of her cohorts follow. I am suspicious but not perturbed so I continue sipping on my beer. A minute later, C comes skating out of the bathroom laughing to tell me she was just it on by the three women and they grabbed her ass. My eyebrow shoots up and I smirk not sure what to think. C seems to enjoy the attention so I dismissed it while she goes to get another beer. The third for the night. Her limit. A few hours pass and the club gets a bit more lively. C is a little high now but still pretty much sober and she decides to go dance with her new admirers.

The minute she started dancing with one of the ladies, five more move in like white on rice and it's suddenly an orgy. Breasts, hands and asses were up for grabs. I didn't even know this was a gay club. So I keep an eye on her in case she needs an out but the obvious elation on her face tells me otherwise. I eventually turn around and start dancing with Mr. S. C comes back mussed and grinning saying she's going for another drink. I ask her not to because I know she'll get drunk so she doesn't. We start dancing again. Having a good time. Giggling about C's mini orgy. When one of her neighbours suddenly shows up with another drink. Things quickly went downhill from there.

She takes the drink ( her last for the night) and sips it slowly. We continue dancing, her neighbour joins in, one of her new admirers join in and C is jacked against a wall sandwiched between the two. Suddenly, C puts her hand to her mouth and races to the bathroom. I follow because I know she's going to puke. She does. 5 times. This is where the party ends. I clean her up and take her to the pool room in the back where she can sit until she sobers up a bit. Mr. S sits next to us worried.

A minute later, we're back over the porcelain throne again. I close the door this time so that no one will see her. The knob soon turns and someone tries to get in. "Someone's in here" The person still tries opening it "Someone's in here" I say louder. It continues I yell this time " Fuck! Stop it There is someone in here" . It stops. I clean C up again and we open the stall door to get her to the sinks so she can wash her face. C's first admirer is standing there waiting for her. She starts asking me "Are you okay? Need me to take you home?" Staring at C a hungry look on her face. The nerve!

I roll my eyes and answers "Yeah, she's fine. She pukes when she's happy and she'll be going home with me". The bathroom door opens again. Two more. They chime in " We were looking all over for you (My cousin)" She shrugs and smiles groggily. The door opens again. Another one. I start to get worried because they all look like they want a piece of my poor drunk cuz. I put the meanest look I can muster on my face and push my way out of the tiny bathroom. My boyfriend is standing outside. He noticed them coming in droves. He wanted to make sure we were okay.

We got C some club soda and helped her downstairs to the outside of the club for some fresh air. Her Dad would be coming soon. We needed to sober her up. 3 cups of club soda and a bucket full of puke later she is drained and falls asleep on my lap. The hyenas kept coming outside looking for her. Her Dad was taking way too long to get there. So we took a ride from her neigbbour in his very compact vintage buggy, crammed ourselves in the back and I took her home. That's right, hyenas I took her home.. That's MY bitch.

I don't think I'll be going clubbing again anytime soon.

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Ben said...

Wow, what vultures :|

Seems strange that she would be so utterly sick after slowly sipper that one last drink... perhaps it's just my suspicios side.

Tish said...


Tell Ms. C that I'll kick her ass for dragging up with them thirsty women and puking her lungs out again.

I'm the only bi girl she needs and I don't like drunk chicks!

Mad Bull said...

Interesting little story, still. It sounds like your cousin was into it though...