Living in a broken home

5/16/2005 07:00:00 PM Edit This 3 Comments »

Living in a broken home

They spoke just now, my parents that is, the first time in about 2 months. Since that "fateful Sunday" as my father (disowned) just called it, things in the house have been horribly strained. It's like he's been a guest that is no longer welcome and we are to kind to ask them to leave. He came back from a trip to the U.S. on Saturday, a trip that he didn't even know he went on until he didn't return home for 2 days. A trip for him. A vacation for me. A break from the hostile stares and awkward silences.

The conversation didn't last very long. And it was one of the few where voices weren't raised. Too much. There was this strange tension hanging in the air and my chest felt tight, fearing that it would escalate in to something more. He came back upstairs just now. I am getting the feeling once again. It feels inevitable. They are talking again... About the divorce that took 8 years to materialize. It is now in the very first stage of going through. I have a feeling he is going to make it difficult like everything else. I can't look in their direction in fear of being pulled in. So I'm staring at my computer screen with increased fascination.

This is how it starts... always. It would seem civil enough but then someone says something the other doesn't like. Voices raise, obscenities fly... Someone gets hurt. Usually me. Most times emotionally. Others physically. I am the product of a broken home. I am an unwilling victim of their arguments. I am the one who must remain silent.

They are talking about selling the house. I have said before that it holds nothing for me here. I have said that I want to leave. And I do. I still do. But I never thought it would actually happen. This house is so full of memories. Mostly bad ones. But some good. It was built in the thick of the controversy and I always assumed it would be mine. Now I feel like I will be losing a piece of me.

Is it that bad though? I'm not sure anymore. I guess it would be a new start. But where will we go. My mother and I. Where will we go? She is far from financially stable, is about to be evicted from her workplace because it was sold and they want to build a mall. Damn them. She still has to support me going to college. How will we do it? How will things work out? How will we survive? Will this be another bitter end?

I guess I will have to wait and see.

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3 comments:

Solace said...

Comments are like potato chips you can never have enough. So please... humor me. I could stand to gain a few pounds, the scale isn't hurting yet.

Tish said...

My scale doh hurt!!

And if you do move into a new place, perhaps the memories there will be a million times better than the ones at the previous house.

And never fear...psycho best friends are here!

Solace said...

:D Yay! Thaks Kiddo!