5/03/2005 06:04:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »

I am not what I used to be. The person I once knew to be me is gone. Listless, comatose, dead maybe. Well not completely... but the important parts are. Since the day my father disowned me, I have not been myself. I have had so many conflicting, destructive emotions because of the things he said to and about me. NONE of which were true. But I'm starting to become them now. I've acted like I didn't care but I have realized I just want my daddy back....the way he was when I was 6 years old and looked at him adoringly and saw love in his eyes... not a burning incomprehensible hatred.

I've been cutting class at TTHTI and I'm not completely sure why. I think one reason is the fact that this was the one thing he paid for and I want to get back at him by not going (who knew I was so vindictive). Another maybe that I no longer have the passion that I did for cooking... another side effect....(of hunger??? lol). But no this is no Snickers moment, even though I havn't been eating much lately.... which is probably good in the fact that I won't blow up to 3 times larger than my already voluptous figure. I'm going to change my major though... so it should be okay.

I need help though. My mind is in so many diferent places right now. And it's affecting the people I care about most, which is something I try my hardest to avoid. My boyfriend and I have not been seeing each other very often and we had the "do you want to have a break" talk two weeks after our first annversary which coincidently was two weeks after the Montezuma incident (look two entries down). We agreed not to; mostly because we love each other too much to let go. I love you L.

I can't think of too much more to say right now because I'm not really in the place I need to be in to write a proper entry. I feel sort of light right now though, I got alot of stuff off my chest when I told my mother I broke class...she was pissed but she understood and told me if i ever do it again without telling her she would break my two legs...... lol I love my mom :D

Anyways, bye for now.

Ps. Stranger to the Sunrise (my poetry blog) has been updated... new look... and one new (well actually old) poem. I will continue to update during the week ...so keep checking :D.

As of next semester... there will be a new beginning.

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