9/21/2004 05:40:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

Well, I'm work right now.... pretending to work. Mind you, this is not usually the case. But today, I guess I just don't care and I actually managed to cop internet access so why not make the best of it right??? Anyway, that whole college thing I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm still not sure if it's going to follow through, or fall through. I think the latter is most likely. That is horribly depressing. I wish that I didn't always have to conform to the will of others. It seems to be the story of my life.

What's worse...I haven't written in ages. Well, not really, but the poems I've written are pretty stupid. They lack personality. It's just bland like the rest of my life. The only thing that's different is L, I don't know what I would do without him.

I think my friends think I'm deserting them, which is something I swore not to do, and i think they may be a little right, but it's not because of L or that we are growing apart. It's just that things have been so hectic, mentally, that I have no time to think. Physically, because i have so much work to do both at home and in the office as well as for myself. Trying to figure out what you are going to do for the rest of your life is quite time consuming....go figure!

I have come to that point in my life when I feel like everything is slipping away. My friends, my family, my future , my life, my SANITY!!! People who were my Best Friends a few years ago seem like strangers to my now. It almost seems pointless trying to revive any kind of relationship with them now that all we have in common is what happened in the past.

I saw a guy I knew from school awhile ago that I thought was so intriguing, I talked to him so much back then and he never failed to fascinate... now, all that.... fabricated, false, illusion. And i started wondering is he stuck in the past or putting up an image that he thinks we'd adjust better to by acting like the same person he was 3 years ago. I have never felt as old as I did at that point in time and i'm only 19. Go figure!

Falling through or following through, *Sigh* For once I'd like things to go my way.

Khrissy @)--------

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